Make Me Believe
by Aksannyi
Summary: Post "Damned If You Do." Angsty conversation set the day after the events of the finale. Season 10 spoilers. Rated T for a slight amount of language. TIVA. One Shot.


**This is a conversation the day after the events of DIYD. I will admit that some level of inspiration sprung from a couple of gifs floating around tumblr (damn you, Tiva feels), but I think this is truly a conversation that needs to happen.**

**This is Angst. With a capital A. But this is exactly the kind of conversation I expect from these two.**

**Rating: T, a couple of swear words toward the bottom, that's about all the risky business going on here.**

**Post "Damned If You Do," so spoilers for Season 10.**

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**Make Me Believe**

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"What were you going to say to me in the car the night that Bodnar hit us?" She looked up, startled at the question. They'd been sitting silently in her living room, she with a book, and he with the newspaper crossword puzzle. She thought just for a moment that she should lie, claim that she didn't remember. But after everything they'd been through, she decided to tell the truth.

"I was going to say ... something to the effect that I ... have," she paused for several moments, "feelings for you."

If Tony had expected anything to come out of his partner's mouth, that hadn't been it, and his surprise was evident. "But yesterday you stood there and told me that you considered us friends."

She took a deep breath, stalling to compose her thoughts. "Look," she began. "In the car, on our way back from the airport, you held my hand. You smiled at me. I felt like something had really changed, you know?" She drew in another breath before biting her lip and continuing, "And then the crash happened and I realized that I'd forgotten. That anyone that I care about - or that I allow to care for me - ends up dead."

"I'm not dead, Ziva," he replied gently, and she shook her head.

"But you were injured, and for all the people I've cared about that I've lost, for everyone who has been hurt because of me, I can't ..." she trailed off, unable to finish the sentence. Tony noticed a solitary tear running down her cheek, and reached his hand up toward her face. His hand was intercepted by hers, though, and he could see not just the sadness in her eyes, but regret. She lowered their hands away from her face, and it didn't escape Tony's notice that she didn't let his go.

"I can't lose you," she finished, barely above a whisper.

"You won't," he assured her, but she shook her head again.

"No! I _will. _I always do. You are already too close, Tony."

"So you are pushing me away. You're afraid," he answered, perhaps a bit more forcefully than he would have liked. "And how do you think I feel? Do you think I would rather watch from a distance when you're hurting? Do you think I don't want to comfort you? To take care of you?"

"I don't need you to take care of me," she stated deliberately.

"No, you don't. But I need you to let me take care of you. Even just a little. Don't you see? The past year, I have been trying to get you to open up. To get closer to you. To be there, wherever you need me. I can't stand to see you hurting." He reached up and brushed the tear from her cheek with his other hand, refusing to let go of the hand she still held in his own. "Let me in, Ziva."

"I can't. You were hurt. I-"

"I had a scratch on my nose and a concussion," he interrupted.

"It could have been worse!"

"Yeah, but it wasn't. Maybe this is another chance. How many chances are we supposed to throw away?" She startled at his sharp question, knowing that he meant Somalia. They'd never spoken about it. Never spoken about the way he'd gone after her to die, never spoken about how he'd mourned her when he'd thought she hadn't survived. Never spoken about how they'd been given a second chance. It was too much, too painful.

"I can't, Tony. I can not let you get closer to me knowing that once you do, everything will be taken away."

"You don't know that," he answered, his eyes pleading with her to understand. Ziva's eyes were welling with unshed tears.

"I _do." _she answered emphatically. "I have been through so much already, Tony, the only thing I can't bear is to see you hurt."

"Then how can you not see that you're hurting me more by pushing me away?" He nearly shouted, and she startled again at his strong words. She sat with her mouth open, unable to respond, before looking down at her hand, still held in his.

"You told me that you have feelings for me, Ziva. I have feelings for you, too. Feelings I don't even know how to deal with anymore. All I know is that I need you. I need you to be a part of my life. I need you to be here," he squeezed her hand, "with me. I can't stand to watch you push me away because I know that it hurts you just as much as it hurts me."

"Tony-"

"You can't live your life in fear. I know it's scary. I'm scared to death - every day - that I'm going to lose you! But I'd rather have you right here with me than god knows where else because I know that I can do everything in my power to protect you as long as you're here!"

"I don't need you to protect me!" she shouted.

"And I don't need you to push me away!" he returned. "Because what do you think that is? You're doing the same thing to me that you don't want in return, protection. You're trying to protect me from some unforeseen - _thing - _that you don't even know is going to happen!"

"I can't lose you!" she yelled as she stood up, yanking her hand from his and tossing it angrily down to her side. He stood up right after her, standing right in her face.

"You aren't going to!" he yelled back, reaching for her hand again. He grabbed her wrist and yanked her toward him, roughly, and before he could even think about his actions or the consequences thereof, his lips were on hers and suddenly, it felt as though the room went up in flames as the heat radiating from their contact consumed them.

Ziva was shocked but found that she couldn't pull herself away, no matter how angry she was in the moment. Tony's mouth assaulted her own roughly, parting her lips and taking without asking, but she found herself responding eagerly, with a passion matching that of the man before her. She wrapped her arms around his back and pulled him tighter to her, moaning into his mouth as she did so, losing herself to the sensation of Tony's lips on her own. The kiss was raw and sensual and rough and angry, and even through all that Ziva could feel everything that Tony was trying to say with his mouth, those things for which he did not have words.

When they finally parted, he leaned his forehead against hers, breathing heavily as he locked his gaze on hers. He could see the uncertainty in her eyes still, the fear of what would happen next.

"I _need _you, Ziva," he whispered, "I need you to take this chance with me." Another singular tear rolled down her cheek as she glanced downward, unable to meet his eyes as she spoke.

"I want this, but I want you alive more," she choked out, struggling to speak through the lump in her throat as she looked back at him with unbridled honesty. "I would rather have you living and breathing for another fifty years from a distance than to have you close to me and lose you tomorrow."

"Sometimes love means you have to take a leap of faith," he breathed, realizing that he'd said _love _probably too soon, but knowing that somehow, he had to make her see what they could have.

"Love," she whispered, her eyes searching his, her mouth hanging open slightly as she repeated the word over and over in her mind.

"We're already too close, Ziva," he continued. "Forty minutes from now or forty years from now, it's not going to make a difference. I'd lose everything if I lost you. I know exactly how you feel. But I'm not afraid to love you. I'm afraid to walk away without ever knowing what we might have had." He paused, taking in a few breaths before continuing, "I know what it's like to think that you lost the chance you had."

He paused again, watching as the realization of what he was talking about hit her. "I know what that sort of regret feels like. I wanted to turn back the clock _so fucking badly._ I wanted to go back to before you left and change everything. I prayed to a god I hadn't spoken to in twenty years and begged for another chance."

He wiped another tear from her cheek before continuing. "But then you were alive and I couldn't believe it, my prayers were answered, and I swore I wouldn't let you get away from me again, damn it. You think it would hurt to love me and lose me? To have me only to let me go? Well let me tell you, it was worse knowing that I could have told you the damn truth and maybe it would have changed things but that it was _too goddamn late." _

"Tony," she whispered, finally able to find her voice again. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It was never the right time," he answered, pursing his lips together sadly. And she had to admit, when it came to timing, he was right. When would there have been a 'right' time? They stood there together, foreheads still touching, still looking into each others' eyes for what seemed like hours, neither able to break from their trance, until finally, Ziva spoke again.

"I do want this, you know," she said softly her eyes still shining with fear, "but I don't know how to believe in it."

"I will make you believe," was his response, his eyes alight with determination. "I can't promise perfection. I can't promise that I'm not gonna screw up. But I can promise that I will be here." Ziva's eyes locked upon his, her gaze steady, and Tony could tell that she had never been more vulnerable in her life than she was at this exact moment. She was finally placing her trust in him.

"Make me believe, Tony," she surrendered, and leaned in to kiss him.

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**What, you wanted fluff and/or smut? Maybe next time. Drop a review if you have a moment, I sure do love them. **


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